Diagnostics
by bamftastik
Summary: When an incident with Wanda leads Vision to believe that he's malfunctioning, he looks to Tony Stark for help.


"So how is our bouncing bundle of artificial intelligence?"

"Stark. I don't remember calling you in." Steve stood in the doorway, glaring down at Tony through the pre-dawn gloom.

" _The Vision_ called me in." Pushing past him, Tony gave the Captain a distracted pat on the arm. "Apparently he thinks he's malfunctioning."

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Oh-four-hundred? What, no one's sounded the bugle yet? Thought you elderly-types were always up early."

"And I'm guessing you haven't slept."

"Nope." He made his way deeper into the facility, leaving Steve no choice but to follow. "But I'm not the only one. Where is he?"

"You think it's happening again. That something you created is—"

"Actually, I don't." Tony pulled a device from his coat, flipping through data screens as they walked. "He sent me the diagnostics he's been running. And Romanoff filled me in on the 'glitch.'"

"He froze up in the field. He wasn't hit, not that I could see. But we were able to salvage the mission."

"The mission, right. Because it's all about the mission."

"Stark... what are you going to do?"

"Do you think he's old enough for a cell phone? What _is_ the responsible age on that? Three months? Four? Then maybe I could talk to him without going through this whole mama-bear routine." Turning, he saw Steve's glare and smirked. "You're right, you're more of a... weird uncle. Ooh, _grandfather_."

Rogers folded his arms. "He's in the living quarters."

"Thanks, dear." Tony left him there and headed for the stairs. He found the Vision sitting in front of the television, staring unmoving as the light flickered across his face. "Is this what you do all night? Sit around brooding? _I_ didn't program you that way."

"Of course not, Tony."

"It's so weird when you call me that. What happened to 'sir?'"

"I am not—"

"Going to get me a cup of coffee?" He stared hopefully, but subsided when the Vision still didn't move. Instead, Tony took the remote for the table and flipped from the movie back to the queue. "Right. Let's see what's going on here."

"My teammates have been quite helpful in their recommendations."

Scrolling through the list, Tony smirked. "Rogers. Rogers. Really, why are you listening to Rhodey? Guy has terrible taste. Rogers. Oh, that one's _definitely_ Romanoff." With a shrug, he dropped the remote into Vision's lap. "Surprising amount of romantic comedies. What's that about?"

"I am seeking to understand human—"

"Of course you are." Stepping close, Tony peered into his eyes and squinted. "But you're more worried about yourself, aren't you?"

"You received my analysis?"

"Yep. You've got a glitch. But I've got a theory. Shall we go play?"

The Vision stood. "After you, sir."

"See? That's more like it." Tony led the way to the lab, flipping through his phone as Vision sat down on the exam table. He'd made a playlist specifically for the occasion.

As the music began, Vision tilted his head curiously.

"Just finding my rhythm." Pulling up a stool, Tony slid close and checked the android's biometrics. "Kinda wish Banner was here."

"You miss him."

He waved a dismissive hand. "Your self-diagnostics weren't wrong. Tell me about the mission."

"We were following one of Captain Rogers' leads, infiltrating a former Hydra facility."

"Uh huh." Tony studied the readings, only half listening. "Get to the good part."

"There was an explosion. Ms. Maximoff was momentarily stunned."

"Maximoff, huh?" Tony rested his chin on his hand and studied the android's face. "She's cute."

"She is—"

"A little crazy, sure, but who wouldn't be? Can't say I haven't thought about it. Girl like that'll get in your head."

"Very amusing, sir."

"Thoughts on the music?" Tony stood and paced, pointing at the speaker.

Vision thought a moment. "With respect to Ms. Houston's impressive vocal abilities, the finite nature of human existence seems to preclude the concept of 'always—'"

"Loving someone?" Tony shrugged. "You're probably right. Not a great song. Don't know what I was thinking." He flipped to the next track, a slowly crescendoing piano melody.

"May I ask... is there anything amiss between you and Ms. Potts?"

"Nope. We're here to talk about _you_ , remember?" Sitting back down, Tony leaned close. "So Maximoff takes a hit but tells the team to go on, says she'll be fine. Was she fine?"

"Apparently so."

"But you didn't believe her."

"I had no reason to doubt—"

"But you _did_. Romanoff filled me in. She said you froze up."

"I..." He hesitated. "I heard the Captain's order, understood the logic in it. But I found myself momentarily unable to comply."

"Because Maximoff had a boo-boo." Tony spun idly on the stool. "Makes sense. You were receiving conflicting signals. Love's weird like that."

The Vision blinked. "Love."

"Told you I had a theory." Rolling closer, he studied the android's face. "But so did you, didn't you? You don't look surprised."

Vision slumped almost imperceptibly. "I have been seeking to eliminate other possibilities."

"By watching sappy old movies. Great plan." Before he could reply, Tony waved a hand. "As far as I can tell – and we're _way_ off the map, here – you're fine. Physically. But this..." He laughed.

"Should be impossible."

"Says the guy with the mystical space gem in his forehead."

The Vision stared down at his hands. "If your theory proves correct, surely there must be something I can do."

"Flowers? Chocolates? Probably wanna stay away from giant bunnies, though, just saying."

Vision's lips twitched. "I will bear that in mind."

Standing, Tony lay a hand on his shoulder. "Look at you, becoming a real boy."

"Is this where you tell me that everything will be all right?"

"Nope. You're completely screwed." Turning to go, he gave the Vision a pat on the back. "Welcome to the world, pal."


End file.
